If you cracked open your old yearbook, what would you think of yourself? Were you in loads of photographs, or largely relegated to the mugshot section that proved you took up oxygen for that year? More importantly, when you scrutinize that old photo, how much did you think you really knew back then? What kind of useful stuff did you actually learn?

In the Mashpee and Falmouth school systems they taught the shit out of us by way of rote memorization. Check out what I can conjure up right here right now:

1. Prominent Portuguese explorer: Vasco….da Gama
2. The five types of saxophones: sopranino, soprano, baritone, alto, tenor
3. Units of measurement: the half-inch mark is exactly, halfway between, the end of the ruler and one, one and two, two and so forth
4. William Shakespeare: 1564-1616
5. Black and White print processing: Developer- 90 seconds, Stop Bath- 30 seconds, Fixer- 2 minutes, First Wash- 6o seconds, Photo Flo- 2 minutes
6. To be or not to be that is the question whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. To die to sleep no more and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that death is heir to. To die to sleep- to sleep per chance to dream- aye, there’s the rub. For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause. And I’ll shut upeth now.

All that stuff is…well, kinda not everyday useful—and I suspect that the rest of the country went through largely the same experience. What they didn’t teach us about is the nuance that comes with getting older, and the toughest thing about being an adult is negotiating this blind man’s bluff.

 

Here I will allow you to throw out some commentary on the folly of youth:

•  “Kids are too young to understand real life problems, so talking to any of them about this is a waste of time.”
• “If high school offered a class on life preparation, kids would reject the curriculum outright. The adult leading the discussion would also probably be the type to let everyone slip out of class to go and smoke pot in the back woods anyway.”

I’m with you, but I want to push a bit more on the subject.

 

What are the things that you wish you had been taught back in school? Instead of being handed a piece of paper with your name in fancy script, what kind of toolbox do you wish you had been given on graduation day? Something that you could have taken home to be buried in your parents’ back yard to await the day where you suddenly needed all of those tools?

I asked my friends this very question. I polled people from different age groups and got answers ranging from general advice, to practical life skills, to responses that simply said, “Is this going to be anonymous?”

It’s probably a fool’s errand, but I’m willing to bet my 3^rd cup of black coffee here on New Year’s Day +1 that there are other folks who also negotiate life with low-grade exasperation on the challenges du jour. Or maybe I’m just the only one who sometimes often times has trouble falling asleep at night for seemingly no good reason at all.

 

I want to share some of the answers that I’ve received over the past two months. Here are a couple of my favorite responses in terms of broad life advice that people wish they had been given. It’s not stuff that could go into a tool kit, but I think they are good nonetheless:

 

 

• While you are going through life events, pretend that you are being videotaped.
• Don’t get a smartphone. Look at people. Enjoy them.
• Peer pressure is stupid. Ultimately, you’re the only person you’re with for your whole life.
• Take a year off and travel.
• Everything else stops when your health fails, so strive to live and eat healthy.
• Give someone hope.
• Whatever you do, do it right the first time.

 

And now for the more tangible responses to my query. This was more of what I was going for…at least I think:

 

• Car/Motorcycle Maintenance: both practical and Zen
• The Art of Critical Analysis: how to puzzle together disparate data points and form a no kidding, non-regurgitated conclusion that is completely your own.
• Personal Finance: Bank Accounts 101, credit scores and none of that AP Econ stuff
• How to be the CEO of a family: to include meal planning, how much things cost, and how to still carve out time for yourself
• An Empathy Course: examining human suffering, self-esteem, and confidence.
• Workplace Challenges: how to deal with bad bosses, sexual harassment, but also teaching the broader idea that it takes time to figure out who you are, what you’re good at…and the reality that some people will arrive at “their” destination sooner than others…which is okay.
• The Sandwich Generation: guidelines and advice on how to care for both your children and aging parents (perhaps heavier courses like this should be kept in a sealed envelope at the bottom of the toolbox, lest your younger self read it and become prematurely jaded)

 

Lastly, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention aspects of school that have served us well. For me, one thing that comes to mind is a course I took called Project Adventure. It taught concepts like trust in a concrete manner while we kids shimmied up tree trunks, scaled towers, hollered down ziplines—all while counting on our peers as spotters. A friend of mine in California offered that her stint as yearbook photo editor was invaluable because it taught loads about time management and scheduling.

 

And before my old teachers label me persona non grata, I want to give the schoolhouse its due. School is Real World Lite, and every classroom provides an opportunity for trial and error with respect to practicing how not to be an a-hole. Right down to my Basic Badminton class, where I got a B+ when the rest of my report card had A’s, I learned something about diplomacy. “You sucked.” said Mr. Charron when I brought up the B+ to my teacher. Arguing that I had shown up and at least put on gym clothes to “try”, he ultimately relented and bumped up my grade. Mr. Charron kicked ass, and I’d like to think that I got the upgrade because I wasn’t a total jerk. But I really do suck at badminton.

Life is law of the jungle, and when it comes down to it not everyone will get a trophy. I guess we have to learn to make peace with the fact that we won’t always have a “right” answer for things. We’re going to sometimes wake up at 3am for no good reason at all. Ultimately, I can’t find a failsafe Swiss Army Knife that will get us out of every situation that is downright confounding.

Being an adult is hard, and often times wrangling our emotions in the name of doing the rational thing can seem downright impossible. I am no life coach or rocket scientist, but as one of my co-workers said, I continue to be wildly confused and intrigued about life. The human condition means that we’ve got emotions and smarts all mixed up in one big pot—so maybe there is no perfect curriculum that will set us up for guaranteed self-actualization.

So was all of this “research” a waste of my (and your) time? I still don’t think so. Rather, I’ll take these nuggets from my friends and attempt to augment my current pattern of life. I think if I can make even some minor tweaks to how I do things, I will succeed in upping the quality of my yearbook for 2015.

Here’s hoping that my hair will at least look a bit better.