I’m having a bit of a tough time with the darkness here.  Perhaps it’s due to the recent move, but I am finding that the lack of sunlight has a significant impact on my daily rhythm.  Sunrise, although we’re well past the winter solstice, happens at around 8AM while sunset, one could argue, starts just as soon as the place achieves that characteristic off-white glow. I say this because the sun only hikes itself up just above the horizon and then inches across the ridges of treetops before settling back down again at the blue haired hour of 4PM.  Winter in the United Kingdom. Pubs make a killing.

As things happen right now, my hour long work commute and desk job construct are kind of impeding my ability to exercise first thing in the morning. Like many people, I don’t work out so much to stay trim (although hello, pub culture!), but rather I do it because I then score time to slowly warm up and feel proficient in greeting my fellow humans with more than just a hi-now-leave-me-alone-for-two-hours kind of smile when I roll into work. I’m a bit like the crappy printer in your office that takes an eternity to spool its gears before finally producing something of utility.

And because I am a girl (and more importantly undeniably lazy), I never enjoy ducking out of the office at midday in order to get in a workout. I’ve got this hair and makeup thing that after a good sweat needs to be showered and reshallacked before I head back to my desk. Do you know what a pain in the ass that is?  Like I said, I’m lazy.

Moving on to the end of the day when I get home— well that’s probably my best opportunity to work out. The problem is that this is traditionally my time to be a slug, and since it’s twilight when I unlock the front door, I am definitely not keen to exert myself when the overhead sky is telling my brain to settle in for the evening. Call them excuses, but exercising first thing in the morning is simply a part of my tried and true circadian rhythm.

But after being here for a couple of months, I am starting to realize that unless I find a way to keep the sun from being such a social deviant, I am going to have to change the way I do business.  It’s funny because no one tells you how much harder it gets to process change with each passing year— but at the same time we all subconsciously accept that change is just about the only thing we’ve got coming.  As for me, now that I’ve got this pattern of British winter down pretty good, I’m not particularly keen to sit back and let life’s storm systems pitch me around.  I need to fit my workout in probably just as badly as my coworkers want me to be more approachable first thing in the morning.  And while I’ve done it on a handful of occasions, there’s a big part of me that really doesn’t want to have to wake up at 4AM in order to get my pre-work PT accomplished. So I’m left with attempting to reprogram my brain and create a new definition of an afterschool special.

Here’s what my attempt at change is looking like:

As soon as I get home, I walk through the front door and don’t allow myself to do anything else but change. No scrolling on my phone, no wondering what I’m gonna have for supper, no eyeballing my bathrobe and contemplating a nice evening cozying up with a weird Netflix selection— nothing.  I dump my bag in the entryway and peel off my patchwork commuter clothes in order to slide on some runner duds.  I waste no time because even when I’m lacing up my shoes and looking out the window, I can see that daylight is rapidly spilling through the hourglass. I’ve got about 5K worth of run before proper darkness settles on my hilly London neighborhood.

Typically I like to use running as a way to get to know my hood. This is usually much easier in the morning because no one is out except you and the wildlife (here it’s the urban foxes that take the mantle from America’s dumpster diving raccoons). In the afternoon however, I’ve got swinging construction sites, Ferraris, and armies of uniformed children perched atop scooter assault vehicles as they all come rolling at me on sidewalks and street crossings. And that’s not to speak of the rain if it’s happening. And it often is.

But I love to run, and like the folks I pass wearing comparable spandex, I will run in just about any condition (raining and with a broken toe? Sure.).  As I move, I slowly plod up streets that are kind of familiar till I’m quickly bored and expand my topographical expertise by taking new routes. I do this while trying not to think about the fictional victims portrayed in that Netflix TV show I’m watching— because the imagination of a single woman running the streets alone can really start to work overtime if you let it.

But no matter!  I’m wearing reflective gear and a Road ID that will be useful when someone does need to scrape me off the side of the street. Life’s gotta be lived. I need to work out and learn how to make friends with the darkness that’s just a fact of life in these parts.

And there really are lots of people outdoors in the evening who are also just kind of taking the winter as it is. I find that if I can get home early enough, the wooded areas nearby offers damn near perfect escapism for a brain like mine that tends to overspin when locked inside an office. It’s wicked muddy in there most of the time, but over time I find myself coming upon the perimeter with only a single thought entering my mind: thank god.

But unless I start to build my body back up to longer distance runs again (which is kind of hard with some damaged extremities at the present), I won’t let myself venture too far.  The good thing I guess about living in a city is that you are never terribly removed from civilization.  I can weave in an out of the heath with relative confidence before making my way back home again in the settling darkness.

I always feel a million times better once I get a decent chunk of exercise into my day. There’s no amount of winter darkness that can stamp out the high you feel when eschew all other distractions and carve out a mind-body moment that exists for you and you alone. I have no doubt that the optimal time for me will always be to run in the early waking hours, but I’m coming to discover that the night too can offers its own kind of goodness.

I totally can’t wait for summer. Or maybe just Saturday.