Have you ever sat across from a person wallowing in personal struggle and felt as though they were exacting undue pressure upon themselves? They’re mooning over some flavor of circumstance found on the higher end of their adversity spectrum: sub-par work performance, self-flagellation resulting from failed relationships, or maybe they’re suffering the repercussions of an unrealistic drive for perfection.  Whatever the case, you can appreciate their sense of inner turmoil- but at the same time you are not convinced that they should be so wrapped up in their problem.

We listen to our friends and family carp about their pet preoccupations because that’s what we are supposed to do. In serving this role, you will surely try and interject some healthy perspective that dares to return the person’s thinking back to reasonable levels of expectation – but this will probably fall on deaf ears. The self-scrutinizing person in question may or may not be ready to buy whatever truth it is that you are attempting to pitch. Even if you’re right and they probably know it.

We do this all the time. I think it’s a big chunk of the human condition to always strive for something that is just beyond our reach.  But there’s another issue that mirrors off of our high expectation-attainment/non-attainment life cycle: we are experts at blocking out the very advice that we’d extend if someone dear to us was in need of a little grounding.

Have you ever played the role of the sympathetic ear and turned the situation back on yourself? It’s a pretty powerful teaching tool, if only we’d allow the revelation some staying power.

The other day I found myself in this exact situation as I listened to the words of someone who I respect as they criticized their current situation rather harshly. Needlessly. Excessively. As the flogging carried on, I offered the possibility that some slack needed to be granted in the name of human imperfection. A modest proposal, but it was guaranteed that these words would be given no quarter- despite the fact that I knew from personal experience that I was offering some damn good advice.

The grand irony here is that this exchange presented for me a retroactive lesson learned where I finally understood how others spent years telling me the very same advice that I was now doling out. Standing in my present day shoes and hearing these same words walk out of my mouth, I couldn’t for the life me understand why I had never trusted in their validity when they applied to my own situation.

Obstinate, myopic human being.

The truth is probably quite simple- you won’t ever take advice that suggests you go easy on yourself until that decision first bubbles up from within. And arriving at this place takes an unknowable amount of time. It differs for everyone; your mind and ears have to be ready to receive it.

Good advice is rarer than rubies- that’s what the adage says. But I’d argue that taking good advice is even more rare- because for us as humans it is nearly impossible to trust in counsel if it is not home grown. As an impartial observer, I think that this is kinda nuts. We’re all so bound up in our own little world of perfectionism roulette that we’re distracted from simple truths. Like the one revealing that we are not so unique, and indeed we are all fallible (yes, you and me included). If could only take our own advice, I think we’d be far happier because we’d finally be able to coexist with our reasonable shortcomings.