Guess what? Basic internet functions increase dramatically in complexity when everything is written in Arabic. Forget the whole Jimenez quote “if they give you ruled paper, write the other way.” I could use a little forward direction at the moment. That’s what happens when you open up your computer and suddenly find that you need a divining rod to make your way through mundane websites that you could always click through with your eyes closed.

So with that said, I’m gonna be lazy. Until I figure out how to better navigate my way out of this paper bag, let me provide you with some classic (and topical!) hold music:

The pyramids better have a band this rocking when I get there. (the original SNL clip was taken off the internet, but you get the idea).